Miracles DO happen!

On October 7th, the very same day my sister gave birth to two beautiful baby boys, Benjamin and Jacob, 3 perfect embryos were thawed and then implanted in me. The national statistics say that someone my age has an 18% chance of getting pregnant. Because Houston IVF is so incredible, Dr. Hickman predicted a 30 % chance with this FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer).

Guess what? God always knew that I would get pregnant again. In His way, His timing... Earthly rules and statistics DO NOT affect HIS will.

I AM PREGNANT! Glory to God! On October 31st I will have my first sonogram. We may even get to hear a heartbeat. I did have a feeling I was going to get pregnant. Yes, I prayed. We prayed. But a part of me is always hesitant to just let myself BELIEVE.
My faith is SO much stronger than it was years ago. But I have a long way to go.

happy and sad

I am happy to be a mama. I am sad that my sister hasn't spoken to me in months. I am happy that BaBa is in heaven. I am sad that I didn't have more time and that she didn't get to meet Ruger here on earth. I am happy that we are trying to get pregnant again via a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). I am sad that my sister is pregnant with twins and I don't even know if she is having boys, girls or one of each?! I am happy that I know Jesus and have renewed my commitment to do life His way. I am sad for those that do not have a personal relationship with Him. I am happy that my family has made it through an extremely stressful year. I am sad that I made it so much harder than it needed to be. I am happy that I have wonderful, Godly friends who lift me up in prayer without me even asking for them to do so. I am sad that I shut them out when I am feeling down and depressed. I am happy for new beginnings. I am sad that I cannot take back hurtful words. I am happy that God wipes away my sin and casts them as far as the East is from the West. I am sad when people hold grudges. I am happy that my sons are healthy and strong. I am sad that I don't sleep more than 2-5 hours per night. I am happy to feel hope for the future. I am sad that PaPa's memory is fading fast. I am happy that we are traveling to Chicago to visit with him. I am sad that he has dementia and is separated from my sweet Mom.

Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.
-Proverbs 20:22

Ruger Lane Tooley

Ruger Lane Tooley is here! Our miracle son decided to arrive a few days early...on our wedding anniversary! On November 2nd, I went in for my weekly checkup. Dr. Doucet looked at my blood pressure and the day's ultrasound pictures, and decided right then and there that November 2nd would be Ruger's birthday. To tell you the truth, I was a bit relieved. His weight was estimated to be about 6 lbs., 9 ounces.

Ruger Lane Tooley was born at 9:27 pm and weighed in at a whopping 6 lbs. 1 ounce and was 18 inches long. He left the hospital weighing 5 lbs., 11 ounces. He is perfect and a gift from God.

Today Ruger is one week old! He gained 4 ounces and is already 1/4" taller according to yesterday's appointment with Dr. Canales. GO RUGER! I already have a goofy nickname for him: Picky Pickle although he is not a picky eater (like his brother Asher) AT ALL!

I will write a post on the entire birth experience later. It was SO God filled. All my nurses at Bay Area ROCK! Love you all!

BaBa went to be with Jesus today.

Driving on my way home from my beautiful baby shower today, I knew that BaBa was gone. Just a few minutes later, I was lying in bed with Jeremy when my sister called with the news. I am sad but have peace knowing she is in heaven, dancing with her grandbabies that were too special to spend time here on earth with us.

I am thankful that my Mom did not suffer and did not have to endure months of pain. I wanted to see her again and say a proper goodbye, but she was called home today. Today she was reunited with her Mama. And her Daddy. I miss you so much Mom. I know you will be there for Ruger's birth. You will have the best seat in the house. Without you by my side, I don't know that we could have gone through all that we did to get pregnant. You were my rock.

Mary Ann Brainerd, my Mom, went to be with our Jesus today. You are so very missed BaBa.

We will take good care of PaPa for you.

Even still...JOY.

I am 35 weeks and 6 days pregnant with my second miracle son, Ruger. My Mom is dying. I pray each day that she will get to meet her newest grandson this side of heaven. It has been hard to let myself celebrate, to allow myself feel the joy that is being pregnant against the odds.

My Mom moved back home to Chicago in August. Her leukemia is back in full force. Thank God she and my Dad are living with my sister and have been SO well taken care of. But I long to see her again. I want to be able to say goodbye. No, not goodbye. See you again BaBa. I do have some peace knowing that I get to see her again...that my babies in heaven will welcome her home with open arms and keep her company until I am called.

Trying to face that I may not have another before my Mom passes, I am being reminded of how very precious every moment is. Asher and I had such a day today, just hanging out. I hung on his every word. I cheated on my modified bedrest, bigtime. And I don't regret a minute of it. I felt joy that I have not felt in many months.

Due to my higher-risk pregnancy, I cannot travel until after Ruger is born on November 8th. Since I am having a scheduled c-section, I will have to heal before I can make a trip out to see her. I know God has His plan and I must remain strong. I want to be okay even if I don't get to say my last goodbye in person. My heart is heavy. But even still...JOY.

I am PREGNANT! Glory to God!

Every Friday morning, a group of my friends and their kids meet up at Stingers in The Bluff for coffee and fellowship.

On Friday, March 12th, we were sitting around talking about life when I announced that I was not going to take a home pregnancy test until Sunday morning. I was defiantly going to hold out until then. Who was I kidding???

As soon as I got home from Stingers that day, I could not get POAS (peeing on a stick) out of my mind. It was afternoon, so not the ideal time of the day to take a pee test, but I caved. After I POAS, I got down on my knees and prayed. I thanked God for this journey and left it in His hands. I honestly did not want to look at the results.

Could I be? Really?

And yes, it was positive. My heart soared as I praised God over and over and over again. I tricked Jeremy into coming home early because there was NO WAY I was going to be able to keep this to myself until 5:30 pm! I will save the "how I told Jeremy" story for another day.

I still feel like I am in a state of shock. My FAB nurse Diane says it will hit me once I see the sac and HEARTBEAT on my first sonogram which is scheduled for THIS MONDAY at Houston IVF! I am so thankful that we are leaving for the Grundy Ranch on Friday so we can get in some R & R beforehand. I need me some C1 time!

I am SO excited, nervous, blessed, shocked and loved. God is so very good. He has been teaching me so much through this experience and I plan on allowing Him to use me how He sees fit. Glory to God!

even the broken ones...

God has been teaching me and showing me incredible truths lately. I am so in love with my Lord!I am taking a wonderful Bible study online with Alene Snodgrass entitled I'm a Fixer-Upper. One morning during week two, I read about finding a special place to commune with Jesus.

Well, mine is usually right here sitting at my computer desk, or at my kitchen table. That morning, neither of those would do. I looked at my clock and it was only a little after 6 am, so I headed to the beach at Bob Hall Pier.

The sun was barely coming up as I started my walk. I was praying and walking along the shore when several sand dollars caught my eye. I decided to start searching for some perfect ones to take home with me when the Holy Spirit spoke to me:

"I made them all and they are all beautiful, even the broken ones."

I knew right way that He wasn't talking about sand dollars. He was talking about all of us. God calls us to love, to love all, not just those that are easy to love.

I decided right then and there that I was going to pick up every broken sand dollar, put them in my pocket, take them home with me, and cherish them. I picked one up and thanked God for giving me this special time with Him and for showing me that I needed to love all of His children. I promised Jesus that I would reach out more to others and do my part to share the Good News. I put that broken sand dollar in my pocket and kept on walking...

The next one I found was whole and had no blemishes. My heart smiled as I kept walking, picking up sand dollar after sand dollar. I must have picked up over twenty that morning, over half of them whole. I left the beach that morning with a new fire in my heart, a new longing to reach out and accomplish God's will for my life.

God loves us all and we ALL fall short. God loves the broken and imperfect and wants to teach us, to guide us, to love us.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn form me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. -Matthew 11:28-29 (NIV)

THE LEGEND OF THE SAND DOLLAR

There's a pretty little legend

That I would like to tell

Of the the birth and death of Jesus

Found in this lowly shell

If you examine closely

You'll see that you find here

Four nail holes and a fifth one

Made by a Roman's spear

On one side the Easter Lily

Its center is the star

That appeared unto the shepherds

And led them from afar

The Christmas poinsettia

Etched on the other side

Reminds us of His birthday

Our Happy Christmastide

Now break the center open

And here you will release

The five white doves awaiting

To spread good will and peace

This simple little symbol

Christ left for you and me

To help us spread his Gospel

Through all eternity

-Anonymous

He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned." -Mark 16:15-16 (NIV)